Today we had a special speaker come to our Bible study, it was Pastor Jon. He was asked to speak on the subject of submission, since it has been a subject that has appeared in our discussions more than once. After opening with prayer, we invited him to speak. This was his message, plus a little more at the end.
Submission
The subject of submission has been corrupted like everything else God created.
If you think about it, we all, male AND female submit to different authorities and really have no problem in it.
Posted speed limits, the price of a dozen eggs, people in crosswalks, etc., we all
submit to the authority of someone else, and it really doesn’t bother us.
So why is there this adversity to the authority of a husband? Again, corruption.
Eve submitting to Adam was not something that occurred after the fall, in fact,
Gen 2:18 Then the Lord God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him."
There was no problem in this. It wasn’t one sided, it wasn’t some dictatorship.
The way God set it up it worked perfectly for both because they were “one flesh”.
But this obviously is a paradox: “one flesh” but two different people.
One of the truths of the Bible that escapes us is what the full impact of the fall did to mankind.
It not only effected the relationship between God and man,
but between man and woman.
God gave Adam the responsibility to take care of the garden (Gen 2:15), that was not a curse, and now, after the fall, his responsibility hasn’t changed- God’s pre-established plan for Adam was his responsibility to take care of the ground (not Eden), but now it will be hard work.
Gen 3:16 To the woman He said, "I will greatly multiply your pain in childbirth, in pain you will bring forth children; yet your desire will be for your husband, and he will rule over you."
Again, there was a pre-established God initiated design for the family that started like this: “Wives, be subject to your own husbands, as to the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church, He Himself being the Savior of the body. 24 But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their husbands in everything. 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her”
Eph 5:22-25
And again, there was no problem in this initially in Eden because there was no sin.
Adam did not “use” his wife, and Eve never challenged her husband.
But Satan corrupted this plan and the result was this “desire” or coveting of the position of authority and responsibility God gave to man.
She literally desired to have the responsibility and authority God gave to Adam- in
fact, the same structure of the sentence and Hebrew word is found again in the
next chapter when Cain’s offering wasn’t accepted by God:
Gen 4:6-7 Then the Lord said to Cain, "Why are you angry? And why has your
countenance fallen? 7 "If you do well, will not your countenance be lifted up?
And if you do not do well, sin is crouching at the door; and its desire is for you,
but you must master it."
So Satan perverted God’s plan but he did not replace it. Satan does not have that power.
That authority and responsibility of God’s original plan is STILL placed on man
(whether he wants it or not), but now he’s in competition for it- because both man
AND woman have strayed away from God’s original intent.
1 Peter 2:25, 3:1-2 For you were continually straying like sheep, but now you have returned to the Shepherd and Guardian of your souls.
3:1 In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, 2 as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior.
This “chaste and respectful behavior” is commonly misunderstood to be referring to the husband.
Although it includes the husband, it is primarily referring to God Himself.
1 Peter 2:9 clearly tells us, “But you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a
holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him
who called you out of darkness into His marvelous light”.
Did you see it? We are to “proclaim the praises of Him” not the husband, and that
is done by submitting to God’s order.
The isolated objective is the conversion of the husband,
1.) If the husband does not know the Lord, or
2.) The husband knows the Lord, but is walking outside of God’s will.
The key is bring him to the Lord.
You’re not alone, the husband actually has the same responsibility!
Eph 6:4 Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the
discipline and instruction of the Lord.
A wife who instigates trouble in the marriage relationship by attitudes and
actions outside the “instruction of the Lord” is the same as a father who
discourages his children by the same attitudes and actions.
In fact, Col 3:21 says it this way, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children, so
that they will not lose heart.”
Wives, your objective is not to allow your husbands to “lose heart”.
By “not exasperat[ing]” them, you actually encourage them toward the Lord.
The conversion of your husband initially to the Lord or back to the Lord does not come from you- that is not your responsibility nor are you capable of it.
But you can work either compliment these efforts or work against the Lord’s
efforts by not following His pre-established initiated design.
Warren Wiersbe gives a great illustration: He said, “the receptionist at our church office has a list of names prepared by me, and these people could get to me at any time, no matter what I was doing. Even if I was in a staff meeting, or in a counseling session, if any of these people phoned, she was to call me immediately. At the top of this list was my family. Even if the matter seems to me inconsequential, I want my family to know that I am available. After the service, one of the students said to me, "Would you adopt me? I can never get through to my father”.
If your husband does not understand- be approachable, after all, it was by the
grace of God YOU understand.
If you want your circumstances to change in your relationship with your husband,
don’t attempt to thwart God’s movements in the answering of that prayer,
harmonize with His movements by doing it God’s way.
A question was asked concerning violating a command of God when a husband expects his wife to follow him in an ungodly decision.
Basically there are essentials and non-essentials as with the Scriptures.
All Scripture is important, but as we should not become angry and fight over the
identity of the two witnesses in Revelation, we should not divide over, say,
whether he can buy a beer or not.
Practically, what if your husband asks why you can’t stay home every once in a
while instead of going to Church all the time? Stay home.
But what about, “… not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of
some …”? (Heb 10:25)
Two words to pay attention to: “forsaking” To leave or desert.
“habit” Custom.
This is a far cry from staying home every once in a while for the sake of family
unity.
Those who have unsaved loved ones or those who have grown cold in the Lord need to learn to be proactive instead of reactive.
Anticipate problem areas and discuss them at an appropriate time when the
atmosphere is conducive.
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(this is the bonus section)
First, when I ask why someone wants to get married, the answer is always the same:
I love him/her.
That’s good, but that’s not all.
Without the next two things, the marriage is headed for a fall:
Freedom and Responsibility
I’m not speaking about him, I’m talking about both of you.
If unbalanced, one spouse resents too much responsibility the other controls
because of a lack of it.
Freedom works the same way, one spouse has more freedom, the other is being
controlled.
What balances out the scales? Love. Real love, not just emotional love.
Practical Advice:
*Stop assuming what the other would do and talk about things that are in conflict
with their values.
*Isolate and deal with your spouses deficiency, set up a plan or explain that things
will only get worse.
They may not know how to communicate, deal with a past problem that didn’t
include you, lack self-discipline, manage money, etc.
Remember, it’s not his problem or her shortcoming, but a mutual problem. One
flesh remember?
*Make a pact based on love that “silent treatments” are illegal.
If something (s)he said or did bothered you wait until an appropriate moment
(not too long of a wait) and casually mention it only once.
Refuse to place blame or insist on someone’s wrong, just mention it- once.
*“Realize that although you’re “one flesh”, you’re two different people with two
different preferences. Don’t forget, you used to find this attractive- what
happened?
Phil 2:3-4 “Do nothing from selfishness or empty conceit, but with humility of
mind regard one another as more important than yourselves; do not merely look
out for your own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.”
Give the other their way first (agape love) and have a good time!
*Lastly, is this disagreement worth the win?
Isolate your objective- do you want your way or your relationship?
We pray that this message speaks to hearts and helps each of us to learn to walk in submission. We thank God for allowing us to hear his words and pray for strength to walk in them.
